2021- Rewind ish
I am writing this in the exact spot as I was last year. At the dining table of the Deluxe Kids HQ. It’s quieter now. There’s no trepidation of law school to unite us under one roof. Everybody is free now. Serving /chopping breakfast, conquering the world, hustling and adulting AF.
It was at this table that I drove my friends mad because I insisted on taking naps in the middle of study sessions and practice tests. I am glad it’s all over and I passed. My friends and I don’t know how that happened but they were a big part of it. I understand stuff better when people who are passionate about the subject, break it down in easy bits with relatable examples. They did that over and over and as I struggled with sleep during bar finals, it was these random recollections that helped me power through.
The feeling of passing was bittersweet. The number one person that motivated me to go the distance did not see the finish line. Grandpa left. Continue to rest in peace Pa Joseph Ladokun.
This is the tricky thing about doing an end of the year review. Without notes/journals/pictures to give you a blow by blow review of the year, you are left to your current feelings. So consider this a note of current feelings.
Talking about feelings
2021 started with a dark cloud of some sort. I still haven’t figured out what was wrong. Whether I was just really angry or depressed at the thought of going back to the struggle of Enugu for law school. I know I took it out on the people around me at that moment. I lost my temper a lot and couldn’t stand people who wanted to reach out and help me through it. I still apologized to K some weeks ago. That was a dark, scary time that I don’t want to revisit soon.
My second “semester” at Enugu turned out to be alright in the end. I spent it taking naps in Simi and Tope’s room, completing the takeover of Ope’s study group (God bless Vibes on Vibes), drinking beer & pepper soup and attempting to learn how to fornicate properly (failed that class according to recent reviews).
Work mode
After law school, I was jobless and mostly broke. The absolute ghetto. Went to Lagos for a bit to see Tiger and Feyi for life advice.
I remember that it was a day before my departure that I got my first interview, a very pleasant HR consultant looking to fill a communications officer role for a young company. At the same time, a former colleague reached out about joining his agency ( Thank you for everything George!) I opted to join the agency because it was remote (I was not ready to move to Lagos) and honestly seemed more like the right direction. I left this job 6 months later and I am still processing the feelings around that move. Stuff was going well and looking up but I guess I was craving a certain intensity, a switch in career paths or something.
I moved to a startup in November and I am still trying to catch my breath. My first two months have been remote with an agreement to move to Lagos in January 2022 (not looking forward to going back to the office). My days are long, the work just keeps coming and I am constantly tired. I have decided to stick with it and give it a full year to see where it takes me.
What else?
I don’t have any excitement for 2022. It just seems like a year to push through. There has always been something to look forward to every other year. Graduation, becoming a lawyer or getting a job. Those have been the goals that other years have been shaped by. This year I have nothing.
2022 feels like a year to put the hours in, working mindlessly to prove that I belong here. I think that’s the thing with your departing twenties, the promise of your potential no longer holds the value or pull it once had. Now people want to bet on experience and results not potential.
(At church today, the pastor said nothing happens to those who don’t expect it. I guess there are expectations for the new year but they are mostly unspoken and uncertain. I want 2022 to surprise me!)
See you on the other side.
